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Not sure if this is still on, but here is my all time favorite classified ad:


This Ad Was Posted to Craig's List Personals:


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night

before last. Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.


I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded

that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend

and me, threatening our lives.


You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.


I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important



First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol

after you took my Jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing

the jacket for a reason.


My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911.45 ACP pistol for

my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very



Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at

your head, wasn't it?


I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come

from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with

me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help

mug us again].


After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I

explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up

my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit

card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely



I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with

all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]


I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at

the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the

entire driver's side of the car.


Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell

just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little

over a day now, so what's going on with that?


Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office

and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while

he traced your number, etc.).


In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . . .but I feel this

type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your

threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these

rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the

opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've

chosen to pursue in life.


Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!


Thoughtfully yours,




P.S. Remember this motto. An armed society makes for a more civil society!

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