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Classic Pilot/Mechanic Trouble Reports


Marylander
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I'm sure you've seen these before, but they always make me laugh. Supposedly they're real items from aircraft logs where pilots report problems and service techs note the action taken. :lol:

 

 

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in ****pit.

S: Something tightened in ****pit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in ****pit.

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding

on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

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I love those (being a pilot, FE, and Mechanic!)

 

Add this one:

 

P) Autoland causes acft to land too hard.

 

M) Autoland not installed on this acft.

 

 

I have found over the years that removal of the Left Hand Manual Yoke Actuator will fix most problems :D

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