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Classic Pilot/Mechanic Trouble Reports


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I'm sure you've seen these before, but they always make me laugh. Supposedly they're real items from aircraft logs where pilots report problems and service techs note the action taken. :lol:



(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in ****pit.

S: Something tightened in ****pit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.


P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in ****pit.

S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding

on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

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I love those (being a pilot, FE, and Mechanic!)


Add this one:


P) Autoland causes acft to land too hard.


M) Autoland not installed on this acft.



I have found over the years that removal of the Left Hand Manual Yoke Actuator will fix most problems :D

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