Rich Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I'll go first. Italian Pregnancy An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!' The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?' At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him. 'You a gonna try again.' :D:D:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70'sChevyGirl Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crowvet Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I kinda like that little bow down guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70'sChevyGirl Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjwvette Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the misses felt her husband begin to fondle her ways he had't in quite some time. it almost tickled as his fingers started @ her neck, & then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders & neck,slowly worked his hand down over her breasts,stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm,caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side,passed gently over her butt & down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just @ the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in same manner, on her right side, then suddenly stopped,rolled over & became silent, As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "honey, that was wonderful, Why did you stop???" "I found the remote," he mumbled......... enjoy, aaaaaaaalllllllllll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 Those were probably his last words. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babyfer Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 that's sad. but prob true..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70'sChevyGirl Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 "I found the remote," he mumbled......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjwvette Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact, "Judy ..Judy... "Is that you, Steve?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!" "Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babyfer Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 :lol: i think i am a rabbit!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tmag Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 One of my favorites...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? A: Sparky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babyfer Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 hahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70'sChevyGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babyfer Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 oh wait.. never mind i'm fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill-V8V Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 :lol: Do the voices in my head count ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2get gto Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Why Parents Drink The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent one day but had not phoned in sick . Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? ' 'Is your daddy home?' he asked. ' Yes ,' whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?' The child whispered, ' No .' Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes ' 'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No ' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' ' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. ' Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?' ' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child. 'Busy doing what?' ' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?' ' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice. 'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, ' The search team just landed a helicopter ' Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?' Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... ' ME . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2get gto Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 picture on night stand -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After a long night of making love, this guy notices a photo of another man on a night stand of this girl he's been dating. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers. "Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crowvet Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 :lol: So, If I only have two friends Than that means the next person I meet Is NUTS:help: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Here's a joke! I did a search for the joke thread (typed in "joke" in the search box) , and the "New Moderators" thread came up!! :lol::lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11chevz71 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Here's a joke! I did a search for the joke thread (typed in "joke" in the search box) , and the "New Moderators" thread came up!! :lol::lol: Something must be going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjwvette Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Here's a joke! I did a search for the joke thread (typed in "joke" in the search box) , and the "New Moderators" thread came up!! :lol::lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70'sChevyGirl Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Most of you will get this and some won't... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjwvette Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Most of you will get this and some won't... :lolsmack: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Classifieds - These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper - a smile for your day... FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8-years old. Hateful little *******. Bites! FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 ****er Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound. FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also, 1 gay bull for sale. NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby. GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. And the best one?: FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything <HR SIZE=4 width="90%"></PRE> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that¢s when the fight started... ************************************************************* ****** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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