BrianT Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Why do we love children? ...... 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.' 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the woman's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?' 7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' 8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' 9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!) 10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!' 11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!' NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewy Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 #8... Priceless... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 That's awesome Brian! My day is brightened, and it's pouring rain in Boulder today..... Thank You. Kids say the funniest things, and here from our house: Our nearly 3yr-old daughter, Luca, was talking at the dinner table with our family friends over the weekend. She thought it would be a good time to tell everyone a little info about Cristiano, our 7-month old son, "Buddy has a very, VERY small penis!" Nearly everyone at the table spit food out laughing, and I actually passed a piece of asparagus through my nose! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris@Adams Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I like #11! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mc2hill Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Consider my day brightened! Thanks Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIDetailing Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Lol I love number 9. It really just made my week. To top it off, just read Adam's and I just dropped my coffee. Lol Without kids and the things they say and do, this world just wouldnt be the same. Thanks for sharing those with us. It really made me smile. Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
07_TB_RIDER Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?' That's awesome Brian! My day is brightened, and it's pouring rain in Boulder today..... Thank You. Kids say the funniest things, and here from our house: Our nearly 3yr-old daughter, Luca, was talking at the dinner table with our family friends over the weekend. She thought it would be a good time to tell everyone a little info about Cristiano, our 7-month old son, "Buddy has a very, VERY small penis!" Nearly everyone at the table spit food out laughing, and I actually passed a piece of asparagus through my nose! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAYBEN Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 that was awesome! Thanks Brian! Adam's experience makes this thread even more enjoyable.. Thanks Adam, well actually thank lil Miss Luca for me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewy Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 That's awesome Brian! My day is brightened, and it's pouring rain in Boulder today..... Thank You. Kids say the funniest things, and here from our house: Our nearly 3yr-old daughter, Luca, was talking at the dinner table with our family friends over the weekend. She thought it would be a good time to tell everyone a little info about Cristiano, our 7-month old son, "Buddy has a very, VERY small penis!" Nearly everyone at the table spit food out laughing, and I actually passed a piece of asparagus through my nose! That's too funny! It's also know another reason not to eat asparagus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGenCoupe Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 that was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DieselDude Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I enjoyed reading this even though I do not have any kids. My mother has worked with children for 31 years (4 yr - 9 yr). You would not believe some of the things she has told me that the kids have said over the years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Those are great Brian. Adam........priceless. My wife and I took Alli (3 year old granddaughter) for a walk around the block and our one neighbor collects cows. She has them all over her yard including a 3 or 4 foot tall black and white cement one that stands at the beginning of her driveway. So Alli (who loves cows) had to pet it , and hug it and talk to it. When it was time to leave, she got a pouty look on her face and said that "cow looked so sad". So she gave it a big hug and kiss and INSISTED that my wife and I also do the same! Talk about embarrassing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Adam's Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 That's awesome Brian! My day is brightened, and it's pouring rain in Boulder today..... Thank You. Kids say the funniest things, and here from our house: Our nearly 3yr-old daughter, Luca, was talking at the dinner table with our family friends over the weekend. She thought it would be a good time to tell everyone a little info about Cristiano, our 7-month old son, "Buddy has a very, VERY small penis!" Nearly everyone at the table spit food out laughing, and I actually passed a piece of asparagus through my nose! LOL! Priceless... thats my hair stylist... she does excellent work everytime I'm in boulder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAYBEN Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 LOL! Priceless... thats my hair stylist... she does excellent work everytime I'm in boulder. what does she use? Americana? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Adam's Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I don't know her secret, but I can never leave the Pitale residence without first having Luca fix my hair for me LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigredmariner Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Kids are great, it's just too bad they have to become teens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris@Adams Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I don't know her secret, but I can never leave the Pitale residence without first having Luca fix my hair for me LOL. Kids like to pretend! Hair?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coolth Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 OMG!! That just made my day my two kids do say things that make my wife and I laugh so hard. Some of the stuff that they do is priceless or will cost you money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 We laugh hard every single day! It's awesome...truly wonderful! Check out proud Luca after a recent ink-marker self-manicure & pedicure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigredmariner Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Those are the good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris@Adams Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Thats cute Adam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAYBEN Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 maybe Luca can do Dylan's nails.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrianT Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 maybe Luca can do Dylan's nails.. She did a better job then I could do!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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