3PedalMINI Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 :lol::lol:this describes my experience last week to the "T" well except for the DUI/dent part:lolsmack: Oil Change instructions for Women: 1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. 2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change:$24.00 Coffee: Complementary TOTAL: $24.00 _____ Oil Change instructions for Men: 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00. 2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.. 16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19. Remember drain plug from step 11. 20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21. Drink beer. 22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25. Begin cussing fit. 26. Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent. 28. Beer. 29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30. Beer. 31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32. Beer. 33. Lower truck from jack stands. 34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35. Beer. 36. Test drive truck. 37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38. truck gets impounded. 39. Call loving wife, make bail. 40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard. Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2,500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1,500.00 Beer: $20.00 TOTAL: $4,145.00 But you know the job was done right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAYBEN Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 nice one.. I think I've read it before.. good for another laugh.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjwoolw Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 LOL Nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhawk243 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Sounds about right.....except the dui part lol. It's funny how that works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill-V8V Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 I don't drink so I use the girls method :D:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nordgrey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 LOL. Nice one. Too true in many parts! But in real life I am with Bill. I'm a firm believer in paying people to do what it is they do for a living. Now if anyone of you have a ring laser gyro or a towed array sonar you need looked after, I'm your guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dnice58 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Hilarious but mostly true LOL Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fierce5 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 looooool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golf for Life Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 "But you know that the job was done right" So true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redvenm Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 been there done that, well most of it. Funny read:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrianT Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! I love hot oil down the arm!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coolth Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! I love hot oil down the arm!!!! don't forget loose rust from under the vehicle that goes into your eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigaudiofanatic Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 LMAO pretty funny. I do my changes but it takes no more than an hour to do. No beer used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArmyAcadia09 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 got my changes down pretty good, maybe start beer in beginning then finish it towards end. As for the done right part, YUP! My brother had his drain plug RTV'd to the pan and we couldnt get it off for anything, had to extract it and replace...stupid quick lube places Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dipolley Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 They forgot lawyer fees, DUI classes, interlock device, probation....add at least another $3K. But the job was done right and that is the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug123 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 LOL. Nice one. Too true in many parts! But in real life I am with Bill. I'm a firm believer in paying people to do what it is they do for a living. Now if anyone of you have a ring laser gyro or a towed array sonar you need looked after, I'm your guy! Are these on cars (haha)? I could see a towed array on wheels with ROV capability for automobile defense! But I'd have to have a defensive systems operator in the back seat to handle it, so that lets me out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLOWpoke Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 LOL!!! Love it and can relate! Trying to change the oil in my bike when it sits less than 2 inches off the ground is very patience challenging..especially when the filter cover is held on by 3 totally different socket sized nuts and I can never remember which size goes where Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasssc Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Hahah! Great read! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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