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Oil Change Procedures:Men VS. Women


3PedalMINI

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:lol::lol::lol:this describes my experience last week to the "T" well except for the DUI/dent part:lolsmack:

 

 

Oil Change instructions for Women:

 

 

1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the

last oil change.

 

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

 

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly

maintained vehicle.

 

 

Money spent:

 

Oil Change:$24.00

 

Coffee: Complementary

 

TOTAL: $24.00

 

 

_____

 

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

 

 

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,

filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit

card for $50.00.

 

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

 

3. Open a beer and drink it.

 

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

 

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

 

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

 

7. Place drain pan under engine.

 

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

 

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

 

10. Unscrew drain plug.

 

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.

Cuss.

 

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw

kitty litter on spilled oil.

 

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

 

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

 

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter

and twist off..

 

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil

everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can

to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

 

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket

surface.

 

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

 

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

 

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

 

21. Drink beer.

 

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty

litter on oil spill.

 

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

 

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily

rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening

drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between

knuckles and frame.

 

25. Begin cussing fit.

 

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

 

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

 

28. Beer.

 

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

 

30. Beer.

 

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

 

32. Beer.

 

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

 

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during

any missed steps.

 

35. Beer.

 

36. Test drive truck.

 

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

 

38. truck gets impounded.

 

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

 

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

 

 

Money spent:

 

 

Parts: $50.00

 

DUI: $2,500.00

 

Impound fee: $75.00

 

Bail: $1,500.00

 

Beer: $20.00

 

TOTAL: $4,145.00

 

But you know the job was done right!

Edited by 3PedalMINI
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LOL. Nice one. Too true in many parts!

 

But in real life I am with Bill. I'm a firm believer in paying people to do what it is they do for a living.

 

Now if anyone of you have a ring laser gyro or a towed array sonar you need looked after, I'm your guy!:jester:

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  • 9 months later...

got my changes down pretty good, maybe start beer in beginning then finish it towards end. As for the done right part, YUP! My brother had his drain plug RTV'd to the pan and we couldnt get it off for anything, had to extract it and replace...stupid quick lube places

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LOL. Nice one. Too true in many parts!

 

But in real life I am with Bill. I'm a firm believer in paying people to do what it is they do for a living.

 

Now if anyone of you have a ring laser gyro or a towed array sonar you need looked after, I'm your guy!:jester:

 

Are these on cars (haha)?

I could see a towed array on wheels with ROV capability for automobile defense! But I'd have to have a defensive systems operator in the back seat to handle it, so that lets me out... :jester:

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LOL!!! Love it and can relate! Trying to change the oil in my bike when it sits less than 2 inches off the ground is very patience challenging..especially when the filter cover is held on by 3 totally different socket sized nuts and I can never remember which size goes where :lol:

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