Adam Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: November 1, 2010 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: November 2, 2010 RE: Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: November 3, 2010 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name... I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: November 4, 2010 RE: Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees DATE: November 5, 2010 RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!!! Company Memo FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: November 6, 2010 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Whatever! Joan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBlack151 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Got that emailed to me yesterday. Too funny but sadly true in some cases! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylander Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 In all serious about situations like the above, (even though that one is fictional), I wish people and organizations could simply be allowed to put on whatever kind of themed party they wish, and that invitees could, at their own discretion, choose to attend or not attend. And why NOT attend? Instead of being offended by thinking they're being "forced" to attend a Christmas party, why couldn't a Jew, Muslim, or whatever be honored that the Christian boss would simply be welcoming him into his celebration? My wife is Jewish; I enjoy being welcomed to their religious events. If my boss were Muslim I'd be honored to be welcomed into his circle to see how his faith celebrates, and to join them in respect for their beliefs. No one holds a Christmas party with the intent of converting employees or jamming belief's down their throats; it's meant to be happy time, and a time of appreciation. Nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE Mook Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Nice post Adam, and too true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Z71_Denali Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 That's hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schwag one Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Ha! Great post, my wife and I were just talking about this the other day because our 3 year old daughters Christmas party has now been cancelled at daycare due to it being called a Christmas party and not a holiday party. Mind you my daughter tends daycare, 3 blocks from wife's work on a Military base. C'mon people? Adam, post like this make me happy/excited your products are still American made! - I'll allow whoever to read into this statement however they would like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Funny and not, all at the same time. My company has a "year end event" every year because of crap like this. To make matters worse, it is held every January! I had the opportunity to attend a bat mitzva years ago, it was fascinating to experience something different. It is one of the reasons I like to go to a country I've never been to at least once a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbeard Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 This must be why we never have holiday parties where I work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 I've got dear friends in every color, following every imaginable religion, celebration, etc..... While I'm a Christian, I sure have had some of the MOST fun at my Jewish friends' celebrations..... Just as if I was invited to a party for any other religion, and attended, would I wear a, "Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior" shirt......I think not! Wish we could all just raise a glass, smile, and celebrate the similarities we have....more often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
69supersport396 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I work at one of those 'politically correct' corporations. They had a "holiday luncheon" today where everyone brought stuff. Used to do off site Christmas parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 That's funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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